bear picnic

Leaving and Starting Over

2011-12-22T01:54:00.002-07:00

Hello! I am leaving this blog and starting a new one that can hold more of my interests: AG Dolls, bjd's, quilting, and whatever floats my way.

Here's the link:

http://bearpicnicdreamsoftrees.blogspot.com/

I hope to see you over there!

xoxo,

Bearpicnic

My "Love Emblem" top

2011-01-14T21:27:00.000-07:00

I love it. And I just put it together tonight. Of course I still need to hand applique the heart on. Right now it's just machine basted. I love it. It looks better than I thought it would and I managed to get all the funky points to work out (with some shaving off of the uneven pieces).

the crooked one

2011-01-14T21:22:00.000-07:00

This needs a remedy. I'd like to rip the stitches out, but because it's attached to felted knitting, I'm not sure I can. So I'll set it off to the side until I come up with an idea.

It may just get put in the pile of Oopses.

Here's one of the hearts

2011-01-13T22:06:00.000-07:00

It's not finished yet. The stitches are special enough yet. It seems more vibrant to me in real life than in the photo. Must be a little bit over exposed.

More Hearts

2011-01-12T22:24:00.000-07:00

I keep making more hearts. I can't stop. Tomorrow I'll try to take some pics. I'm feeling overwhelmed with love and fear of loss and sadness and joy. In other words, kind of a mess. C'est la vie, I'm used to it by now.

This wool heart

2011-01-09T19:25:00.001-07:00

This one is finished (well, I still need to sandwich and quilt it). And my fabric arrived for the big heart quilt from Anna Marie Horner. I need to enlarge the pattern size and I'll be set to go. Except that I've got things going on all week, so I probably won't really be "good to go" until Thursday at the earliest.
I did go get this today:

Guess I know what I'll be playing with when I'm too tired to sew, but still want to create.
PS: I wanted to share this. I made it a summer ago. It's a Haida Griz, for my dear Papa Bear who has a thing for grizzly bears. I This and the pieces I just sent to Gabe are probably my favorite wool creations. I'm loving the wool right now: in fabric and yarn.

Looking Ahead

2011-01-04T22:38:00.000-07:00

No stitching today. But I did order fabric so I could make this:

Click on the image and you'll go directly to Anna Marie Horner's blog and be able to download the pattern, too. It's free. I spotted this a few weeks ago and finally made up my mind that I really wanted to make it. At first I thought it was a wall hanging, but now I know it's a throw. Of course all of the fabrics she used are sold out at my fav online quilt shop, so I ordered some in a slightly different color scheme. Can't wait for it to arrive so I can get started on my Valentine quilt.

My Beautiful Thread Box

2011-01-02T22:59:00.001-07:00

I love my thread box. It's an old home electric shock therapy box. Bizarre, I know. Can you imagine giving yourself shock therapy? Luckily, it was empty when I received it. It's covered in a repro 1800's print and lined with grey felted wool. Simple, so the goodies inside really catch my eye. It's filled with Valdini thread in size 8 and size 12. It's got a rainbow of my favorite colors in it. It what I use for all of my wool applique. Oh yes, and a spool of linen thread. Delectable. Sometimes I wish I was more of a raw fiber artist, so I could really maximize these materials.

The next thing

2011-01-01T23:42:00.000-07:00

The last thing I'm working on before winter break is done. Ugh. I love my job, but I'm not quite geared up and ready to roll. Guess that's what Sundays are for!

A Short Break to Introduce My Big Headed Dolls

2011-01-01T01:01:00.000-07:00

The twins:

The snow sisters:

Papa and Baby Bear can't stand these dolls. But I like them. They're play value isn't high, they're for display. But they are fun, whimsical "fashion" dolls and I much prefer them to Barbie. Anyway, I thought a little lightheartedness was in order for the new year. Happy New Year and Best Wishes to Everyone!!

A short retrospective of 2010

2010-12-31T00:27:00.004-07:00

I was riffed from my job
I was rehired

We cancelled our summer vacation reservations
We finagled a way to go anyway

two guinea pigs died
the 11 year old dog still runs

And the most important:

I thought someone special was dying
I know that someone is living

and I am filled with joy because of it.

The Heart Quilt

2010-12-30T16:07:00.000-07:00

It's finished. I added lace around the edges, but I'm not thrilled with that addition, so I edited it out of the picture. So, here it is, complete.

Now it's time for me to tear myself away from needle and thread and review some materials I brought home from work. I need to be ready to hit the ground running when the new semester starts up on Monday. I'm looking forward to reconnecting with my super co-workers!

completed and new project

2010-12-29T20:18:00.000-07:00

Gabe's quilt is finished! It'll be in the mail tomorrow. Yay! It was fun working on it and really let me explore my creative edge in quilting.

Here's my new project. Not nearly as exciting, but I know I'll be adding other elements to it after I get all of the circles sewn on. (8 more to go.)

additions

2010-12-26T17:35:00.000-07:00

Now there's only one element missing. A flying thing to carry the key. I think tomorrow.

Third one in process/progress

2010-12-25T23:37:00.003-07:00

Awareness

2010-12-25T00:03:00.000-07:00

one thousand wishes
ride on the backs
of mariposas

my thoughts flitter
flutter
fly away

nothing
a small vibration
begins, builds

a song, a meditation
calling me back
to myself

I am here
I am here
right here

My heart

2010-12-24T23:00:00.001-07:00

Because I am thinking about how blessed I am to have these people at the core of my heart. There are many others in there, too. But these are the ones I would walk through fire for:
Michael -partner love
Hayden -son love
Gabe -son love
MaryCarol -sister love
Rachel -best friend love

I began the third in the series

2010-12-24T22:23:00.001-07:00

I think I'm calling this one Crooked Little Buddha Heart. I couched some rat's tail (thin silky rounded ribbon) around the buddha and in the process managed to move him from a flat to a tilted sitting position. The primary elements are added. I want to add hearts/circles/diamonds/something around the large heart. Maybe a token for enlightenment on the buddha's forehead or a third eye above everything else. Or two closed eyes above everything else; although that may create too much symmetry between the hands and eyes and end up framing it out in a way I don't like. Maybe a string tied around a finger on the hands. I don't know. I'll figure it out.
The large heart is a piece of beautiful hand dyed wool, a tie-dye pattern that wove from brown to red, orange, yellow, and green.

I'm thinking this one is going to go live somewhere else, too. I'm determined to create five. Two in one house, two in another house, and one in the last house. Hmmm...

Complete

2010-12-24T09:46:00.001-07:00

It's finished. My radiance quilt. Here's a complete picture of the whole thing, including the two ties on top that are holding it to the nails on the wall.

Here's a close-up of the bottom left hand corner. This is a symbol of the fertile earth: dirt, nutrients, tree roots. It is my solid base of strength. The blue square is an acknowledgement of the sky and maybe of rain.

Here's a closer view of the central focus of the quilt. My three loves: Michael, Hayden, Gabe inside of my very full, layered heart. The meaning of the brown and pink circles of wool and buttons is twofold: first they are prayer beads; second, they symbolize my pulling of the earth's strength into my body, combined with my love, I radiate that joy out to the world.

almost finished

2010-12-23T22:50:00.000-07:00

I am filled with love and strength and wish to share, to give so others can find the beauty inside of themselves.

figuring it out

2010-12-22T22:55:00.000-07:00

I've figured out the brown circles weren't pieces of earth, but prayer beads. Now I'm busy stitching around the edges in blue.

a little more

2010-12-22T15:50:00.001-07:00

I added the buddha/yoga element and have started making brown circles of earth. It's a piggy back off the ideas of Gabe's quilt, since I have been working on themes of love, radiance, and joy through pain all week (and for the last decade or two). I think I might end up doing a series of quilts with different elements of similar themes. Each one would live in a different house maybe. I think this one is mine, since it's my heart and body and my deep connection to the earth and world around me. We'll have to see how it turns out. It's nice to have something that feels so worth expressing, more than just a stitching project.

My heart is overflowing

2010-12-21T23:17:00.001-07:00

so I stitched it.

It's the beginning of something. Tomorrow (maybe) I will add the other element I have figured out and then I will see where that will take me. Or, I'll take off in another direction and then add the other element further into the quilt. Three hearts inside of three layers of my heart. I want to add some beads or couching or something so that they really pop. I'll have to see where this goes.

So many things to say. I'll begin here.

2010-12-21T11:17:00.001-07:00

I forgot to tell you what Karma is to me. Quite simply, it's the energy you put out there, that often returns to you. When you smile, give solace, share joy, you spread that to others and in doing so, create positive energy, thought, feeling in the world. The knowledge you've created this is a karmic return in itself. Seeing someone smile because you helped them smile, broadens your own joy. It also leaves you more receptive to receiving positive energy from others.
Of course, the opposite is also true, but we don't need examples of that. So, yes, I guess I believe that Karma in a way, comes back to you. But it's not in the biblical sense of an eye for an eye. It's not a physical punishment. It's mostly an affirmative of your energy, schema, mindset.
I believe Gabe's karma comes to him through the love, care, and devotion his friends and family give to him.
The cancer is not his karma coming to get him. Not at all. The cancer has no spiritual cause. And anyone who says, "Everything happens for a reason" is full of sh**. Life is suffering. The suffering is not for any purpose. It simply exists, like darkness.
It's what happens to ease the suffering or in spite of the suffering: the ability to find, give, and receive joy and light and love, that is the heart of the matter.
Gabriel has only ever radiated love to the world (yes, some fear and angst, too) but in relation to others, he only gives beauty. And so it should be that he receives beauty.

inspiration mosaic 2

2010-12-20T18:19:00.002-07:00

inspiration mosaic 2
Originally uploaded by bearpicnic

Things that inspire me. I'm sitting here, sans thread and needle, sans fabric and wool, ideas percolating. Desire. Always to do more and make more, create more than I have time for. And yet, when I am at home it seems so difficult to sit and stay focused on one project/creation at a time. I flutter back and forth with half finished and barely started WIPS. "Slow fabric" like "slow food" is what is the most beautiful creation, yet if it's not a wham, bam, run it through the sewing machine with the pedal to the floor, it's difficult to complete. I used to be manic about it, obsessive, which isn't always the best place to be either. But at least I completed my quilts and other stitched things. My obsessions have moved into other things, without as much productivity. Ironically, one of the things that seems the most fundamental to art is the idea of the buddhist's creating sand medallions and then blowing them away. Because there is no permanence. And yet, now I was to create with permanence, and with mania, even though a peaceful meditative, focused stitch would be so much more beneficial.

ideas perculating

2010-12-20T14:12:00.000-07:00

wool penny rug
hand stitching/ quilting
hearts
circles
cyclical
look at Flickr favs, esp. Jude Hill's stuff
What do I want to say?

To Michael

2010-12-17T08:40:00.000-07:00

Tether me
to the ground
hold me
here
So I don't float
away
into the dark spaces
of my mind
keep me
here
in the sunlight
help me stay
found
right here.

For Gabe I want to tell you this:

2010-12-16T23:59:00.002-07:00

I give you unconditional love
from my whole heart
to support you
a strong hand to hold
as you walk from pain to joy.

Observe
tension, anxiety, fear
and let them go
like monks' prayers
tattered flags on the wind.

Let go
spirit untethered, unbound
a hawk on the wing
you soar
a gift of joy, light
radiance
you.

Inspiration

2010-12-16T18:01:00.002-07:00

From flickr: here.

For Gabe

2010-12-12T19:38:00.001-07:00

For my stepson. Surrounded by the most powerful kind of love, so he can become well and his highest, healthiest self.

slow fabric

2010-08-22T12:45:00.007-07:00

Instead of slow food, it's slow fabric. But, I am working toward my destination, which feels good. I've gotten out my old drawings of the mosaic quilt, and started toying with ideas for the side frames. I want the side frames to match, so I'm multiplying everything by four. I've planned out the main triangles, which I'm envisioning as the four points on a shield. The "plan" is on the left side of the left piece of graph paper. The graph paper on the right has the main body of the mosaic colored in accurately to match what I already have pieced together (of course I ran out of room at the top and bottom).

Lots of paper piecing: here are the hexes I have basted so far. It's three of the four colors I will be using. I still have to figure out which turquoise-blue I want as the last border. A trip to the fabric shop or an online order is needed, since I don't think I have enough of anything to make it all the way around 4 of the triangles.

Here is the general layout. I started piecing the hexes: the yellows and three indigo-blues are done.

My goal is to make the four sides before I attach them, it's less work than trying to attach a single hex or two to a large quilt. Work's been busy (of course), as we all gear up for the new school year, but once I settle into a routine, I'm hoping evenings find me with a needle and thread in my hand.

Some Inspiration

2010-08-10T19:52:00.005-07:00

Here are some pics of things that inspired me to be begin my mosaic quilt.

My first issue of Quilt Mania Magazine, which I discovered at my local quilt shop. This was the issue that had the picture of the quilt I modeled (and completely revised) my quilt after.

After deciding to make a mosaic quilt, I picked this up, since I was having a hard time finding a book about hexagon quilts that wasn't 30's "Grandmother's Flower Garden" based.

Playing with an Idea

2010-08-02T15:41:00.002-07:00

A tree of life, based on a quilt I saw in Quilt Mania Magazine. The tree trunk was one piece, but I'd rather show the roots, anchoring the tree to the ground. I'm not even sure if I am really going to piece this together. The important thing was the dabbling, since I feel out of practice. I love the 1800's repro prints, but sometimes I am at a loss as to what to do with them. I like to work my way from the center of the quilt out, and hope that that movement is at least somewhat reflected in the final product. I'm still trying to use up a lot of my stash, instead of investing in more fabric right now. Eventually I want to order specific fabrics for a quilt with blocks that move into and out of each other. Probably slightly monochromatic, or at least in the same general color family. There are several quilts in the Kaffe books that will fit the bill.

I also have my mosaic quilt that I haven't worked on in a year and a half. I am revisiting it and thinking I should dedicate myself to it this autumn. First I need a plan, then I need to make all the little hexes and then stitch them all together. I have 4 sides to do. When I think about the whole thing it's completely overwhelming and I think, "No, it's not going to happen." But, when I think about one side only, it's much more manageable. We'll see, we'll see. I'm not burning with the need to start something new, and I don't have a long list of quilts I want to make right now, so now's a good time to work on the mosaic.

Quilts for my family

2010-08-01T15:10:00.003-07:00

Two quilts.

One for my aunt and uncle in New England:

One for my aunt and uncle in the South:

All my quilts have feet! As long as they don't walk around by themselves we'll be okay.

(re) organizing

2010-07-31T11:49:00.001-07:00

IMG_9842
Originally uploaded by bearpicnic

I'm on a cleaning mission to de-stuff (since it's far beyond my stash) my house. Here's a pic of my "Pins and Needles" drawer, organized last night. I want all of the hand-sewing items in one place, instead of three, so I know where it is when I need it.

A Quilt

2010-07-30T12:39:00.002-07:00

Quilted up in March or April. Bound in July. For my own bed.

Now I just need to run it through the washer and dryer, so it gets that nice quilty look.

Renew

2010-07-30T12:35:00.003-07:00

I'm ready to begin again. Devoting this blog to craft: inspiration, process, product.

It's been over a year now, since my mother's death. I've gone through the range of emotions associated with death by suicide; and have professional help working through them. It was an insane school year; but I did get my job back. -Actually, I am going to be a reading interventionist now, instead of a regular classroom teacher. I'm looking forward to it.- I had the summer to relax and just be, for the first time in over a year. So I am ready to begin again. I'm cleaning out my house, getting rid of the excess cr-- that I don't want/need. So I can breathe now, and feel good.

anxiety

2010-04-18T12:07:00.002-07:00

...is constantly in the pit of my stomach. And my sewing machine is at the good doctor, since the bobbin casing keeps hiccuping. So there goes my meditative release of pushing fabric under a needle. I did get down all of my wool and spent hours pouring over patterns and looking on line for inspiration. I did manage to sew up a stuffed heart. But I'm not feeling the surge of creativity. I'm trying to avoid thinking.

I realized I've never been in this position before. Even when I returned to teaching after staying at home with baby bear for three years, I knew I would get a job in my field. Now I don't know. Our state got rid of tenure, so the district cut five years deep. And no one is hiring in other districts at this point. So, I either get rehired and continue to do what I love and am great at, or I don't and get something just to help cover the monthly bills. I know some people can live off of one salary, but we can't. We're both teachers. One of my fellow teachers said, "It's kind of like going from being on the edge each month, to living in a cardboard box behind Fry's." Her DH is a teacher who was rifted. They have two young children. We're all working on plan B. Anyway, I am talking about the politics of state run agencies and I really just want to talk about me. I'm scared, and worried, and unsure. I have a plan B, but it's a short term plan. I'm not sure what my plan B for the long term is. I've always been a planner and liked knowing what comes next. It's safe and has a certain amount of security. Now, I am unsure and so anxiety has taken up residence in my stomach and my head.

Wide Open

2010-04-14T22:03:00.003-07:00

Once upon a time I rode horseback with a boy I was completely, humiliatingly, in love with. We were up in the desert foothills, with unbelievable vistas at each turn in the trail. I had just graduated from the University, and felt like anything was possible. I could go anywhere, do anything, be anyone (no I had no desire to be the president). The world was wide open to me, and the limitless horizon was amazingly euphoric. I practically could have leapt off the horse and soared into the sky, to the Rockies and beyond. Yet, at the same time, I knew that each choice I made in life would narrow the possibilities down. The more choices I made, the narrower the road would become. I was afraid of making the wrong choice. Yet, I was miserable and lonely in many ways, too. I wanted to begin to narrow the choices and reach the beauty I knew existed but was just out of reach. Could I live at the old rancho we saw in the distance? Should I become a horse woman, a biologist, an artist? Where should I go?

As I grew older and settled into my life, things were lost. It's impossible to hold on to it all. I became more of a realist, less of a romantic. I used rationality and intuition rather than raw emotion to make my decisions. [I'm still working on being less of a people pleaser, or at least less concerned about what people think of me. I have managed to be a "no" woman instead of the woman who is afraid to use the word.]

And now, here I am again. The world is cracking open for me and I am remembering things, parts of me I used to pay more attention to, parts that don't have much space or place in the daily grind of trying to make ends meet, of being a very good mother, a very good teacher, and a mostly very good spouse.

What's happened? Well, I've been rifted. Five years of teaching (plus another seven before I quit to stay at home with my son until he was ready for preschool) isn't enough to keep the guillotine away from my work life. I love my job, I love teaching children, I love watching the flowering of their literacy. It's truly amazing. And yet, I feel like I have been on a bizarre treadmill in a maze, with constantly changing directions and speeds. Every year, no, every quarter, there is a new urgency, a new emergency, a new program to add to the toppling plate of impossible tasks. And yet, I'm still called to this career.

But, I don't know if I will be able to teach anymore. I don't know if there will be any position in my district for me (and 240 of my colleagues). And the other districts in the city are making their own cuts, so no one will be hiring.

I have a sick knot in my stomach, anxiety in my chest, and the fluttering of panic approaching my breastplate. Yet, somehow I am able to breathe, and think of the other parts of me: the interconnected to the natural world part, the love of good literature and poetry part, the clay and paint and charcoal part. The raw essence of who I am, underneath these material trappings and go-go-go button.

I 've had some quiet time, some think time, some time to meditate and sit and feel the energy and breath of the world around me. That's where I found me, again.

I want to return to my job, and would beg and plead and take anything to be able to continue to teach.

But if I cannot, I want to do something closer to the raw essence of myself, closer to art, closer to nature, closer to enlightenment. I want time to recreate my work life and find something that gives me sustenance. While the pay is poor (poorer even than the wages of a teacher), the possibilities of soul nourishing work is wide. I have only to start on a path of searching, and researching, and choosing. I haven't been at this place in twenty years, and now, here I am again.

Up to Lately

2010-01-23T22:09:00.004-07:00

A baby quilt and two tops (not sure if the Frida one is done yet, or if I'm adding more borders): you can see the backing fabric through the front, the sun was hitting it just right

Teddy and Indie aren't this perfect, Papa Bear is behind me holding up a treat. They looked so cute on the Sweet tumbler top that I wanted to capture them.

Creatively inspired by my trip to the quilt show with my BFF!! It was an amazing time and maybe I will post more about it (but no promises, given my inability to blog with any consistency).

Lets just say I'm feeling more like myself. Not overwhelmed with company and extra stuff at work, and more one on one time with Baby Bear. Of course a day off of work blissed out on quilt show mania and chicken mole, and spending the whole day with my bestest friend has helped!!!

Snow Fun on a Sky Island

2009-12-28T23:42:00.003-07:00

Papa bear, baby bear, and my dear brother bear. We live in the sonoran desert, but are lucky to live near a tall mountain range with several different biomes. The biomes change as the altitude changes. At the top, evergreens, aspens and snow....a sky island. My brother is visiting for the holidays, so we made the trek up the mountain and played in the snow. It was easy, snowball fun. We've had one week of break, and have another one this week. I feel like I am finally relaxing for the first time since the end of the July aka the beginning of the school year. Yay.

emergence

2009-11-29T13:20:00.004-07:00

It's been awhile. It's been insane... We've been working, eating, sleeping, and trying to catch some creative moments on the fly. And we've have two months of company, which is all more than a little overwhelming.

I'm still finding my way back to my life, after my mother's death.... and a new school year at a new grade level, with lots more pressure to perform and reports to write so I can actually get paid.

Luckily I love the kids, first grade is so amazing. They are all reading, wow!!

What have I been doing lately...er....for the last four months... not making quilts (that's what) although I did quilt one up (the darla stars one). I still have to cut the threads off of it.

I also managed to read about 5 or 6 books (yahoo) and it wasn't even summer.

And I have sewn a bunch of felted wool squares to some homespun, and knitted a bunch of doll size scarves (just like sewing, I can knit in a straight line, just don't ask me to make a sweater or a bootie, I haven't a clue).

Everything is in process. My drive to finish has been eaten up by having too many things to do. Scattered to the wind in lots of directions put still, things do manage to get done.

Angst or is it garden variety anxiety?

2009-07-23T04:14:00.003-07:00

School's almost back in session and I am a slight mess. Feeling like this knotty wood. How will I get my room ready...and what am I doing on the first day?

Tomorrow I am taking my first applique class and I don't have any straw needles, round toothpicks, or applique pins (are they really that much thinner than regular?)... and the class is taught by the owner of the shop. I am feeling like canceling it, but I won't get my money back, so I'll go and not have all the right stuff because I forgot to read the supply sheet until tonight. My back-up thought is, "Hey, people have been doing applique for generations without all the fancy equipment."
A deep hole in a rock. Because Papa Bear thinks I should go and talk to someone about my mother's death and the decade of rejection that preceded it. Will it help me stop stuffing my face? How did I get here anyway? Maybe it will help me except that she really would have rather died than give up control of an out of control situation, and that is how she opted out. Never mind the fact that she wouldn't come and see her only grandchild for seven years and balked at the idea of me coming here, after she cancelled the first trip I had planned. Yet she claimed to love me, as much as I love my own child. And I thought to myself, Yeah, if you only had a clue because I would never treat my child this way.

Wow! I feel some better now, I am really angry at her, but I don't want to be. I didn't want to let her have that much impact on my emotions. I bit my tongue and talked less often on the phone with her, so I wouldn't have to listen to the life story of the guy who came to fix the thermometer yesterday, and how sick she was feeling, and how un-empathetic I was, and maybe at the end she would remember to ask how Baby Bear was, and how I was. And I really wanted to yell and say, "Do you know how crazy this is? Why would you even consider getting your eye lids lifted when you can't even get out of bed in the morning? Does anyone really need to listen to the same woes for seven years straight, or was that really twenty years straight, because when I think about it, everything you're saying now I heard back when I was a teenager. And if you really want a close mother-daughter relationship, can you actually talk to me with out bringing up the one time I was really angry at you Christmas fifteen years ago; and maybe figure out how to get over all the hurts you can remember from the time you were four and your memory kicked in?" And finally, "How f-ed up is that, that you and Dad would lay in bed and think about killing yourselves, deciding not to because you weren't sure who would take care of us kids? And now you've gone and done it, both of you, forty years later? Couldn't you see the metaphorical train coming, and get off the track?"

But, I was a decent daughter and never said any of those words, because if I had, she would have hung up the phone and never spoken to me again, ever. And I loved her, and she loved me, as much as she could love someone else. And it wasn't even close to enough.

Did you know that three out of four of my son's grandparents killed themselves? My husbands father did it a very long time ago, before Papa Bear's first son was born, before Papa Bear ever left the midwest.

So I am also angry at my mother, for the love of mercy, isn't two enough? Although it is almost comical, in a black comedy sort of way. Okay, two overly testosteroned grandfathers do themselves in, that's a little scary, considering I have a boy. What kind of legacy does that leave my son? But then, my mother does it, too? Now it has moved into the ridiculous. Two was bad, but three is just plain nutso, crazy, looney-bin material. So maybe I need to thank her, except that I was still waiting for her to wake and be a part of my life. And it hurts me more now, than the first one did. There is such joy, love, beauty to be found in the world, and she couldn't see any of it or was it that she wouldn't see any of it? It's all about perspective, you can always find meanness, ugliness, and hate, if that's what you look for.

I choose the beauty and love.

Summer Groove

2009-07-16T14:24:00.005-07:00

I'm here again. Thank you to those who've left comments about my mother's death. It's been alot of work, physically and psychologically, and I have the lighter load than my dear brother. I am reconnected to my extended family, and that is wonderful! Like a warm lap to crawl into.Did you ever read Peace Like a River?

It's a really good book, sad and intense, and my story is nothing like it. But the words "peace, like a river" says something to me: peace, like a river, flows over me, flows through me, and I am myself again, relaxed and warm, connected to

the people, earth, trees, and sky around me. I stretch and fill myself from the edges of my fingertips to the top hairs on my head, and down to the leathery bottoms of my feet. Did you know I used to feel like I was living inside a helmet that was about two inches thick--peering out at the world from under a visor. Luckily I left the helmet completely behind sometime in my mid to late twenties. But, still, sometimes I don't feel fully stretched to the end of myself. But today, I feel my skin tingling and I am all there. Pure flow, fully in contact with the world.

Ironically, that wasn't want I had planned to talk about when I sat down to blog. I just wanted to post pics of some of my latest endeavors. To say, that the business of traveling is done, and the furniture from my mother's estate has arrived and been integrated into the home, and now the three of us are finally relaxing and reconnecting with each other for two weeks of lazy, hazy, summer days. (Before it's off to the races again with a new school year. We start early in the southwest, and our district starts back right away the 1st of August).

So I've been sewing of course! But what, not the stuff in my pile of WIP's, but a new mini quilt and doll clothes of all things. So here are some photos:

Maybe next time I'll tell you why I'm making doll clothes. Living in the west, and liking empty wooden bowls, collections of pinecones, rocks, and acorns, preferring jeans and t's and a fresh, clean, make-up free face, I forget what a girly girl I really am at heart.

A Little Something

2009-05-25T20:02:00.002-07:00

I think it's been since March that I've machine pieced and April since I hand pieced. So finally, today I was able to sew on the machine. It's a small mourning quilt. Although I think of it as a death quilt, rather than a mourning quilt. Why, I'm not really sure. Maybe because I didn't sew any tears into it.

Seeing the edges of myself again

2009-05-19T00:17:00.003-07:00

I just heard two coyotes howling right outside my window. Literally! They were in the alley next to the house and then they walked down the street. No, they weren't wearing any clothes. It was very exciting. Wild dogs sound absolutely nothing like domesticated ones. It's ethereal. I cracked open the window so I could hear them better, and got a whiff of desert after a short rain. The ocotillo, weeping tree, and cactus were silhouetted by the faint glow of light from the synagogue on the other side of the alley.

It reminded me of how much I love the night outside my door (usually the back door, but in this case a front window works just fine). I love the desert, in all of it's stark beauty; it makes me feel peaceful just like the rivers and the trees do, even in the middle of city. I was calm inside and just being, just listening.

I was born an east coast girl, but have definitely become western. I live in a city in the desert where coyotes use dry river beds as thoroughfares into urban sprawl, a juxtaposition of wildness and civilization. I'm aware of where I come from and how lovely it is to be inside of Nature.

I've dosed up on my allergy meds so I can sleep with the window open and let the desert air in.

Clearing

2009-05-17T10:22:00.002-07:00

I lay in bed this morning, after my first real good night's sleep in weeks and felt clear. I rediscovered the freckles on my leg that make a pattern much like the big dipper. I had forgotten about them. I realized had I stopped looking at my body. I would look at it in the mirror but not up close and persona.

I am now parent-less and that changes things. For the last seven years I was waiting for them to decide to step out of their misery and be a part of my life, to be a part of Hayden's life.

After coming out west, I stopped behaving and responding the way they wanted me to, so I became selfish in their eyes. I have been hoping they would see the way I really am, full of joy and love.

I also practiced compassionate detachment, watching and observing, loving them, but not becoming embroiled in emotional turmoil that surrounded them. Let's face it, after your own mother decides to write you out of her life two times, you better detach, if you want to survive. Walls aren't any good, since they end up hurting you.

My father ate a gun two years ago, and my mother reached out to me. If anything was going to be a catharsis for change certainly my father's suicide would be. I waited to see what would happen, but nothing did. She chose her own misery, and continued in the same cycle of mania and depression she and my father had shared for forty years.

Two weeks ago my mother shot herself. And now she's gone, leaving a pile of crap behind, my brother, and me.

Oh let's really screw with the kids and leave them with two suicides instead of one.

(And our grandchild with three, since his paternal grandfather gassed himself long before he was even born.)

So here I am, and I realize I need to look hard at myself. As much as I had let go, I was still waiting and hoping they would realize I was worth having a relationship with.

How much of me have I still been defining by the relationship (or lack of) I had with my parents? I don't know. Less than I did, but not zero.

Who am I without my parents? without the weight of being cast out? without the weight of detached love? without the weight of hope and disappointed? without the tangled web of insanity just outside the front door?

No, I don't feel light yet, like I am going to float away. But I am feeling clear. I am not being judged anymore, and what will change because of that? Who am I now, all by myself? I can really let go now, let go and let go and just be Peace. I can let go of the tension I must still be holding in my body, of waiting for another bomb to drop . There are no more bombs. I can live without a war going on in the next city.

Let Go and Reconnect

2009-05-11T06:17:00.003-07:00

I have been in Georgia, helping my brother take care of my mother's death. We held a joint memorial for her and my father, since they were intertwined almost at the DNA level. They were cremated, and at a later date we'll spread their ashes. It's been a long time coming, a brakeless train heading for a washed out gully. It doesn't matter how slow you go, you can see how it's going to end.

Now my brother and I can be close again and Hayden is already enjoying time with his uncle.

2009-04-20T21:12:00.003-07:00

Look what Papa Bear discovered in the planter right on the front porch. Further proof that doves don't build very good nests. Baby Bear is hoping the eggs will hatch. Mama dove has been sitting on the nest, so it's a possibility.

Guess what? I am going to teach First Grade next year. I am nervous and excited. I don't know why I do this to myself, always make changes when things are cruising along just fine. But it's going to be a great opportunity! It'll be much easier to make the jump to first grade than it was to leap from teaching middle school to teaching kindergarten. Did you know I used to teach English as a Second Language to sixth, seventh, and eighth graders? (And I also taught two years at the high school). I enjoyed it while I did it, but after three and a half years home with Baby Bear, I decided early childhood education was the place for me! I'm really enjoying my Kindergartners right now, and this is pretty much where they'll be when we start school again in the Autumn, as first graders. I wish I could take them all with me, but I don't think that's going to work out. Still I will get a good handful of them. I'm thinking of keeping my lowest two since I've figured out what works for them and will know on the first day where to begin with them. It'll give them a running start on meeting the standards before the end of the school year.

At the County Fair

2009-04-19T09:46:00.004-07:00

Here we are, riding an elephant. No we don't know the person behind us.

Baby Bear in his "My Pig Won" T-shirt and ribbon, with the two stuffed dogs he won playing a fishing game. He had a great time, which means Papa Bear and I had a great time, too.

A Rose By Any Other Name

2009-04-19T09:06:00.004-07:00

It's been one of those weeks of go-go-go. This blogging thing comes and go in spurts. One week I spend a lot of time reading everyone's posts and posting my own, and the next week (or two), nothing, because there's no time.

We had a big meeting Thursday night for a pay-for-performance program that both Papa Bear and I have been on since the beginning of our teaching careers. We have a new supervisor of the program and she and the team she has assembled is working on streamlining it and having more authentic collaboration among teachers at the different school sites. Anyway, the meeting got me thinking about whether to stay in Kindergarten or move to First Grade next year. .

I love, really love, Kindergarten. I love how they don't know anything (how to read or write their names, how to sit on the floor and listen to a story, how to stand in a line to go to lunch or p.e. or art), and I love watching them grow and progress and learn the alphabet, their names and classmates' names, and begin to read and write some simple text. Believe me, the beginning of the year is completely exhausting, every single day, for the entire first quarter and part of the second quarter. I have very strong beliefs about Kindergarten, fueled by my extensive reading my many publications of NAEYC (National Association for the Education of Young Children) and find that many of the things we are currently expected to do in Kindergarten defy developmentally appropriate practice.

I love what I do, and yet I have moral objections to some of the expectations, in the interest of what is best for children.

If I moved to first grade, I wouldn't have the same moral issues to face, since I believe that the first grade expectations are more developmentally appropriate and in alignment with NAEYC standards and expectations as well. The first graders are still young children, but they are not as needy, are more independent, and we could do more in depth hands on scientific inquiry (which I love and is a strong point of mine).

So here's the dilemma: I would miss the brand-new-ness of Kindergarten and being the first teacher many of them have ever had. I would not miss the absolute exhaustion. Will I love first grade as much as I love Kindergarten? I don't know until I try, yet I am afraid to give up my Kindergarten position, because who knows if I'll get it back. Yet, working on the first grade team would be a very rewarding experience: there is a lot of collaboration on curriculum already in place, I would expand and deepen my understanding of how reading and writing skills develop and that in turn would make me a better teacher.

I begged my principal to tell me what to do. He's also a good friend of mine from days we both were teachers. He wouldn't, because that's not his way. I went back and forth in my head on this, feeling sadness, anxiety, and fear. One hour thinking I'll stay in Kinder and the next thinking I'll move to first grade.

I tried again: I sent a list of my pro's and con's to my principal and begged him to help me make a decision. He said he would! He's got to figure out a few things, and will let me know in a couple of weeks whether I'll be teaching Kindergarten or First Grade next year.

I am really relieved. I don't have to make the decision myself.

You see, I've always felt a need for change and have never envisioned myself as spending my entire life doing one thing. I generally embrace change, and sometimes have made too many changes, which is why I don't know if I should make this change or not. Is it a rash decision, or is it one that I will get long term benefits from?

I'm not one of those teachers who will live and die in the same classroom. I don't think teaching one grade for your whole career is a bad thing, it's just not my thing. As it is I've taught 2 years of high school, 5 years of middle school second langauge acquisition, and now 4 years of kindergarten.

So, now I'm waiting...patiently, to see where I will be next year. I trust my principal to place me where he needs me based on where the rest of the faculty need to be and where I can be most effective. I won't have to arbitrarily make the decision. It's nice not knowing, yet.

Happy Easter, Passover, Spring Renewal

2009-04-12T10:17:00.003-07:00

It is the time of rebirth, renewal, hope for life after a long frozen winter (not here in the desert though). A time of rejoicing for having endured our hardships (personal, communal, and natural), and finding that we will go on! Listen to the birds twitter. See the bright green of new buds, singing out "I am alive." Observe the lizards and squirrels skittering about, out of their semi-hibernation.

I am crawling out of a dark cavern and see the beautiful sunlight filtering through the trees and through the blinds on my windows.

We're celebrating in our usual way, with dyed eggs, chocolate, and new flowers to plant. Baby Bear hunts for the eggs, with the helpful assistance of two crazy dogs.
And sometimes a little furniture rearranging goes a long way in lifting the spirits, too. I dragged Papa Bear into it yesterday (his most hated thing -moving furniture). I like the living space this way, it feels lighter, more inviting, more spacious and yet cozier, too. Happy reawakening, everyone!

Renewal

2009-04-10T08:45:00.003-07:00

This is me, seventeen years ago. You wouldn't know it, looking at the photo, but I was lost and unsure, trying to choose a path in life.

Today, I like looking at this photo, because it sums up the core of my true self: interconnection with nature, animals, and simple things.

Sometimes it's easy to lose sight of these things, and sometimes for a long while. Or to see them out of the corner of your eye, instead of looking directly at them and really sitting inside of yourself. Too often I feel taken with the material goods (not the fabric kind), rush-rush pace, and ideals of beauty and success in our current society. I want to be more steadfast in staying true to the things that really matter, which do not include any of the above.

I started rereading Peace is Every Step by Thich Nat Hahn and I am approaching it with new eyes. I first read it about the time this photo was taken, so it's been a long time. I didn't realize at the time that the title isn't peace in every step, which is how I thought about it. I thought with each mindful step was getting closer to peace. Now I understand that peace is every step. Each mindful step (or word or act) is an act of peace in itself. Mindfulness and peace aren't found at the end of the road, they are the road. I am already beginning to let go, to be in the moment, to not rush to get to the next thing, and I feel like my body is alive again, not some disconnected insulation.

Sister Moon, Siren of the Sky

2009-04-07T23:27:00.006-07:00

Feverish, achy, probably a touch of the flu or some other virus. So why am I so sleepless, restless, agitated, when fevers usually mean more sleep?

I pulled back the curtains and found the moon, almost full, up in the sky. The moon always pulls on me when it is full, calling me to be awake, full of unrest in my closed house. It pulls on the ocean tides, and I wonder if it pulls on my blood and water the same way (the body is mostly water after all). It's a good time to let the dogs out and stand out in the yard, listening to the silence of the desert, the song of cicadas, a light wind whispering around my ears, observing the outline of the mountains and trees against a lightened sky. It's a surreal time, when the day to day grind of traffic, work,feeding a family, and bills dissipates. It seems endless, infinite, and I feel like I could walk over the mountain into place where art and love will put the food on the table.

It's a time to be outside and revel in it, without the sun beating down on me, making me shield my eyes and look for shade inside . I am tempted to pull out a sleeping bag and lay in the hammock, but my husband and son would worry about me, especially if I fell asleep out there and did not wake until morning. Baby Bear would ask "Where is mama?" Being rocked by the moon into a stillness of peace and sleep.

Four Seasons Quilt Swap Five Arrival!!

2009-04-07T14:02:00.003-07:00

This is the lovely quilt that Helena sent me!! Yes, I requested brown, I love the warm earthiness of brown. And look at the amazing quilt she has created for me! The first photo doesn't do it justice. In this close-up you can see the fine details of the hand embroidered leaves, the blanket stitching on the tree, and the precision of her piecework.
And a lovely, embroidered label to compliment the front.
My own quilting seems so unbelievably amateurish compared to Helena's work (and Simone's, and Stina's). Of course I am an amateur, but still, this quilt, and the quilt from Stina, and the lovely needlebook and pin cushion from Simone show the workmanship I can only hope to aspire to at some point in the future.

Joyful Giving = Happy Surprises

2009-04-04T14:03:00.002-07:00

I commented on San-Dee's picture that I liked the blue fabric with cherries on it...and she has sent it to me! Thank you so much for your generous heart! I will put this to good use.

BTRS Swap has arrived!!!

2009-04-02T16:08:00.003-07:00

Look at the lovely bag my BTRS swap partner made for me! Did you notice the yoyo's and vintage buttons (has she been in my house, she has nailed my tastes down to a tee!!) And look at the lovely 30's fat quarters she has sent. Of course I posed them and the note card on my future fairy house in the square garden. Thank you so much, Lavina, everything is amazingly beautiful and will be treasured!

Lots of starts, not so many finishes

2009-03-29T16:30:00.003-07:00

Here's what I've been up to lately:

Working on one version of "Grandmother's Flower Garden". Paper pieced with 1 1/2 inch hexagons, because sometimes bigger is good. (by the way, I did manage to finish outlining the center of my mosaic quilt, and I've put it off to the side, because I am not thrilled with the darker colors right now)

And a rustic stitched heart patch (yes, I need to work on my outline stitch around the button, it's kind of a mess).

Baby bear and I have been spending some time in this square garden. If you notice the crucifix planted in the dirt, next to the rocks, you'll see Tortoise's grave. Baby bear talks about the ghost of tortoise when he talks about the pets we have in the family. He thinks of this whole garden as a place for Tortoise, so I bought him some plants for it, and we also spread some seeds, as well. The dogs use it as a thru-way, especially Teddy; so we'll have to work on conditioning them to walk around it, while the seed space is still bare. I stacked some leftover wood and bricks together, and am hoping this will eventually become a vine-covered fairy house; of course; the lizards are welcome to use it, too. It's been so long since I've put any creative energy into gardening, it feels good.

Another thing I'm working on

2009-03-22T20:39:00.004-07:00

Totem Bear wool applique. I've had this pattern for two years (yes, since I started quilting). I modified it a bit. It's not quite finished, but it's getting there. I used a running stitch to applique it so the edges will lift up a bit. I plan on quilting it with lots of running stitches as soon as I make the quilt sandwich. It's for Papa Bear.

Ocean Dreams

2009-03-22T09:43:00.002-07:00

Last week was our spring break. We headed to San Diego with Baby Bear, who previously had only seen the Gulf of California and not the ocean with real waves. I miss the ocean, the smell of the sea in the air, miles from the actual beach, the taste of salt on my lips, the sound of gulls and people again the backdrop of crashing waves. Sometimes I wonder how I ended up inland, in a state with only man made borders-lines drawn on a map. Well, I know how I got here. I came from New Jersey for the mountains, and wide open vistas, cactus and creosote, and the mystique of "The West". Still, the ocean makes a primal connection with me. I told Papa Bear that if we ever move, it's got to be by the ocean. He told me it's got to be by the mountains. That pretty much means Washington or Oregon (since we couldn't possibly afford California on two teacher salaries). I am enamoured with the northwest, since it's kind of the opposite of the desert: lots of rain, somewhat temperate, four traditional seasons. It's a thought. Sometimes I really want to go be somewhere else. 19 years on the East Coast, 20 years in the desert, maybe...? Yet, when I truly think of leaving here, I get a sick feeling in my stomach. My network of friends, a landscape and city I know and love, even if I hate the summer heat. And Baby Bear's connections and school. Even if we do keep managing to elect representatives that don't want to fund public education, we are dead last in per pupil funding. Baby Bear's school is a very special place with loving, motivational teachers who see each child as a wondrous being. Is 40 or 45 too late to make a big move like that, given that we'd wait for Papa Bear's retirement. I don't know?

Pay It Forward

2009-03-20T10:23:00.003-07:00

Look at the lovely items Simone sent me! I am completely blown away by her tiny, perfect stitches. They are beautiful and will have a special place with my sewing items!If you would like me to make you something for the pay it forward, leave a comment on this post. In return you post about the pay it forward on your blog and make something for three people.

Cuts

2009-03-12T12:47:00.003-07:00

We got word that there are going to be serious staff cuts for next year across the whole district. Anyone with less than 5 years continuous experience is urged to put in a voluntary transfer request. So I did. I am totally bummed out about it. It may mean nothing, but it may mean everything. People think education is a sure thing, but it isn't. Every year we all wait on pins and needles to see how they need to reconfigure staff and budget. So... maybe I can become a goat farmer or a soap maker?? I'd rather be doing something even more earthy, or teach pre-school. Of course, that won't happen. I enjoy what I do, even if No Child Left Behind is trying to kill all the joy in it. I need to earn a decent wage ( and while education doesn't pay much, it pays more than the other things I would like to do) and pay in to state retirement; I'm in it for the long haul. But I like to dream: dream about something less affected by the whims of our state legislators, about following cicadian rhythms instead of alarm clocks, about a less manic, bipolar career. I'm not sure how to make it happen though.

Donation for Education

2009-03-10T23:06:00.001-07:00

my birthday quilt
Originally uploaded by bearpicnic

I am donating this quilt to Baby Bear's school for a silent auction fundraiser. It's a cool idea: the auction theme is "Handmade." The school has an arts focus, so many of the parents are artists or artisans of one kind or another, and then there the amateurs and dabblers like me, who try a little bit of everything. Although, I must say that after two (and next week is my quilt-iversary) years of quilting, my skill is really improving. ...Unless of course I am ripping fabric, and then get annoyed with how it seams up (or doesn't), as I did earlier today. I chose to donate this quilt because while the piecing and quilting are good, I am not thrilled with how I chose to quilt the border, or the color choice of variegated thread. It was an early experiment, and I've learned about my thread color preferences since then. Still, I am pretty excited to actually be able to donate something I've made of value, that someone else would actually want. It's funny too, because it made me remember how scared I was to start this blog, what if my stuff isn't good enough, what if no one reads it, what if no one likes it. I feel more confident about my abilities and the things I've made, with the knowledge that other people in the world like my stuff, too. So to my small readership, known and unknown, thanks for your helping me see the value in my creating beyond my own front door. It means a lot to me.

Today's

2009-03-10T16:28:00.003-07:00

Here's what I worked on today, after taking Baby Bear to the dentist. It was nice to get extra sewing time. I decided that I hate fusible web. It works great, but sewing through it is kind of gross, so not natural, so stiff- like paper. I actually would rather sew paper than fusible web. And yes, there are a bunch of threads hanging off of it. I ripped the fabric for the sashing and borders, and the one drawback is the long threads that keep falling off. May give up on the ripping and just use the rotary blade. So Betsy's Closet is pieced and ready for quilting. Two to go, after I choose backing, and pin baste.

I think I'm stuck on blue and red these days. That's okay, I'm in the mood for cheerful fabrics, before I get to work on last summer's mosaic quilt in dark repro's again.

Weekend Work (aka Play)

2009-03-08T13:56:00.001-07:00

big stars quilt 3
Originally uploaded by bearpicnic

Here's what else I've been working on this weekend. Let's just say I kept the sewing pedal to the floor for the most part. Originally I had planned on making a diamond trip around the world out of these, but I so love the big stars patterns that I went with that instead. It's not finished yet, I need to do the edges, so lots of half stars and such. My Darla and Doll Dresses fabric just goes on and on. I am actually getting as the stash of it dwindles and I don't see anything new out there that gets my heart racing. Does anyone else get a little worried as the fabric stash gets smaller?

2009-03-07T16:05:00.002-07:00

Well, I received my swap partner info on the BTRS Charming Handbag today. And I'm finished with it already. I made two, since they are so simple. One for my partner, and one extra. I won't tell you which is which yet, just to keep it a little bit secret. I also need to add some crafty stuff: either an item or raw goods. That will be percolating in my mind, until I make a decision.

Cheery Cherry

2009-03-05T21:50:00.001-07:00

vintage towel
Originally uploaded by bearpicnic

Baby Bear was having a great time helping me photograph some of the finds from the antique fair we went to this weekend. I've got a small collection going of vintage linens. Some have been cut into already for projects, since that's my point in collecting them. I love the ones with cherries and strawberries on them. They have to be my favorite. How can you not feel happy when you're looking at such bright, colorful, cheerful fabrics?!
I was flipping through one of my Artful Blogging mags when I saw an article about taking pictures. "Try to use natural light." I had to laugh, since the natural light available to me after I get home from work is the orange-yellow color of late afternoon-thinking-about-sunset kind of light, which isn't very pleasing in photos of anything other then sunsets. This photo was taken at night, about as far from natural light as possible. Still, I love photos taken in natural light, and am hoping this summer I can avoid most nighttime photos.

Wool Fizzle

2009-03-02T16:27:00.003-07:00

I'm finished with it. Which isn't the same as saying it's finished. I'm sure I could add a bunch of stitches to it and really set it off, but I've completely lost interest. It was kind of like pulling teeth just to finish it enough to quilt it and bind it. So, I'm calling it done.

I don't know if you remember when I started this, which just a few squares of wool. I was happy to work on it, but it wasn't a project of passion, and I was soon distracted and moved on to other projects calling me more loudly. I love wool, absolutely adore everything about it: all the colors, the feel, the smell (wet and dry). It's so earthy, so varied, and so forgiving. But this project didn't do it for me. So now I am thinking about dreaming up another, but I'm not sure yet.

I also started on that Sue Spargo project, but it's fizzled too, so I am not sure yet. Maybe I need to try a teenie weenie wool quilt. Sometimes the hand sewing is just too slow and I want to move faster, faster, faster. Are you like me, is your foot all the way down on the sewing machine pedal, and it's still not going fast enough?

vintage embroidered quilt

2009-03-01T21:51:00.001-07:00

vintage embroidered quilt
Originally uploaded by bearpicnic

Found at an antique fair today. I had actually seen it last month, but didn't have the cash to buy it, nor was I sure I wanted it. But, after the yard sale yesterday, I decided to splurge on it. I have found several vintage quilt tops, but this is my first vintage quilt.

Finished, not scalloped

2009-02-28T14:04:00.002-07:00

Quilted up last night, washed and dried this morning. We had a yard sale today. I like getting rid of the junk, but hate the work of it. Took this pic turning a break.

An Afternoon's Work

2009-02-26T17:46:00.004-07:00

A new quilt top. I had bought the pattern awhile ago, for a super-sized baby quilt, and never used it. Today I saw it quilted up in greens at one of my local quilt shops. So, when I got home, I got to work. The hardest part was choosing fabrics, because I collect fat quarters and some half yards, and this quilt calls for 1 1/2 yards of this and 2 yards of that, etc. I didn't actually cut any of the fabric, just tore it into the size strips I needed, measured against my ruler. Baby Bear wanted to join in the tearing, so I gave him some leftovers that weren't being used in the quilt, so he could experience the thrill of ripping fabric. What fun! So now I'll have to baste it, quilt it, and finish the top and bottom edges with scallops,probably only the fourth pattern I've actually finished to the end. Given that it only takes a couple of hours to sew up, there's not a lot of time to think up alternatives or get bored with the instructions. I think I'll have to make this one up again.

A close up of the fabrics, the middle one is actually roses on gingham, which never seems to show up well in photos. It's a new one from Lecien which I fell in love with. I love the color brown, strange as that may seem, but I'm picky about it: rich, creamy brown, somewhere between milk chocolate and dark chocolate. And then I love the color "camel" too. The brown reminds me of my grandparent's house, a nice rich dark brown outside, and the camel reminds me of a wool coat my mother used to wear when I was a little girl. So, it's really about texture, as well as color.

Here's a close up of the fabric, borrowed from the Fat Quarter Shop (which is where I ordered it from).

Creative Space

2009-02-26T08:56:00.001-07:00

organized shelf
Originally uploaded by bearpicnic

Yay! I am starting to turn the guest room (which only gets used as such a few times a year) into my craft room. So, here is part one: removing all of my work related materials (and taking them to my classroom) and filling the shelves with crafty goodness instead. The top shelf has a bear recieved, a bear I made, a doll a made (from a Hillary Lang pattern), and a precious Waldorf mama doll and her baby (being held by her friend). I love, love, love my Waldorf doll. I asked for her for Christmas, as a tribute to motherhood, but love her in her own right, right down to her freckles. The second shelf houses my stash of wool, and the third shelf holds my jars of buttons and tin of wooden spools. It's becoming a much happier room, and I love having easy assess to everything. Maybe I'll do better at putting things back in their places that way.

Ah, Spring...

2009-02-25T17:19:00.003-07:00

at least here in the desert. Baby Bear had a field trip to the Botanical Gardens today. It was beautiful (both the gardens and the desert). We really didn't have enough time there, I think we need to start attending on a regular basis. Can I make my backyard look like that??? Well, probably if I had the money and time, which I don't. Still, I'll have to think about gardening again, since I haven't much in the last two years. To sew or to garden. clearly sewing has been winning by a land side. Baby Bear keeps asking me about it. I'll have to have a good plan: meaning low maintenance, drought hardy, hmm... So, if I could have a secret garden, it might has a nook like this:

and maybe a wall like this:

Zip Purse

2009-02-24T07:43:00.002-07:00

My first project from Bend the Rules Sewing; the zip purse. My first zipper ever. It works, but next time I will leave a little extra room next to the teeth so it can zoom open and closed!

Swap Crazy

2009-02-23T15:52:00.002-07:00

I mailed off my partner's quilt for the fifth season of Four Season Quilt Swap, and also my center block and extras for the Spring Fling Round Robin....so of course I am starting to go through withdrawal and have to find two more swaps to join! I joined the BTRS (Bend the Rules Sewing) swap and the Flirty Apron swap. Neither of them are filled yet, if you are interested in joining. I really really really (did I tell you I really) want to join the doll quilt swap, but so far haven't managed to see the sign-ups until they are over. So... maybe next time. For now, I will be merrily sewing away on non-quilty swaps.

Lucky for me, I already have the resource books I need for these swaps! Happy sewing!

Happy Birthday Baby Bear (not so baby anymore)

2009-02-23T06:37:00.005-07:00

Not a subdued group, the only reason they stayed in one spot long enough to get a photo was the cake.

Seems like February comes and go with very little posting. I supposed having Valentine's Day and Baby Bear's Birthday take up most of the month for me. Holiday fun, less computer time (which is just fine by me).

A Post for Jane (thank you for asking!)

2009-02-08T20:59:00.003-07:00

Well, here's what I've got so far on my four seasons quilt swap number 5.

It might be finished, it might need some embellishments. I'm not sure. If any of you have an idea, please feel free to share.

Here's the back (sans label). You can see the quilting. I used variegated thread, and the lighter part of it shows up better. I'm relieved that it is bound and almost ready to go. It means I can think about what to send with it.

Four Seasons Quilt Swap Five inspiration

2009-02-08T10:27:00.003-07:00

Well, I finally got motived to actively work on my partner's quilt for the monochromatic, any season, quilt. I've been mulling it about in my head for weeks, but hadn't come up with anything definitive. So yesterday I decided it was time to do something about it.

I pulled out all my blue fabrics:

There are blue greens, muted blues, navy blues, clear 30's blues. I mixed and matched and played until I came up with four fabrics that flowed into each other. Then I googled and searched on flickr for : blue winter, blue bird, blue flower, because I still wasn't sure which season to do. So, here's what I have come up with so far:

four fabrics cut into 1 1/2 squares, and my notebook of inspiration. I think I want to try a watercolor type quilt of the sky, or the earth and sky, moving from dark to light. So...maybe it's the end of winter. Maybe spring is a thought. Either that or a night sky with moonlight filtering through. Hmm...

Pay It Forward

2009-02-07T12:06:00.003-07:00

I just signed up for the Pay It Forward (PIF) on Simone's blog. It's a concept of spreading kindness, without expecting something back in return.

Here are the rules: I will make and send a handmade gift to the first three people who request to join this PIF exchange. I do not know what the gift will be, but it will be sent to you within six months. If you want to join the exchange, you have to pay it forward by making the same promise on your blog. Seems like a nice way to spread some happiness all the way around.

Sweet Hearts

2009-01-31T22:28:00.001-07:00

Hearts found on flickr
Originally uploaded by bearpicnic

I've got the mosaic bug! It's so much fun. This time I put together a bunch of photos of hearts from some very creative people. Aren't they fun? I love Valentine's day. It's a light hearted (no pun intended) holiday with happy colors. Personally, I like to include all the people I love: Papa Bear, Baby Bear, my close friends, my family, my kindergarten children.

As children, my brother and I each received a mini box of Whitman's Sampler and a small trinket of some kind or another. They were always waiting on the kitchen table at breakfast time. One of my favorite memories.

Thank god Valentine's day is still two weeks, away, because I haven't given it much thought until this weekend. I think I will make some heart cookies or a cake for the Bears, and get some lollipops and valentines for the kiddos at school.

Yo-yo study

2009-01-26T21:06:00.001-07:00

Yo-yo study
Originally uploaded by bearpicnic

Yay! I finally figured out how to make a mosaic on flickr. It only took me about two hours ...mostly because I couldn't find the two photos I added to my blog yesterday. So....here it is, my first photo mosaic.

yo-yo mania

2009-01-25T21:53:00.005-07:00

What I've been up to lately:

Using my extra large clover yo-yo maker. It's easy and fun. I have 1oo yo-yo's made from my Sweet and Swell fabrics from Urban Chiks. I'm thinking about not making a traditional yo-yo quilt (since I would need about 900 more yo-yo's). I do like this first pic I found on flickr, and am thinking about doing something like this. I love the quilting around the yo-yo, so the yo-yo is lifted up above the fabric.

Two more inspiring photos I found on flickr. I haven't tried to make a collage yet, but if I do, I'll post it.

New Look

2009-01-20T01:10:00.001-07:00

I've changed the look of the blog, new banner pic and new colors. Let me know what you think...I'm not sure about it.

Betsy's Closet Obsession

2009-01-19T18:12:00.002-07:00

Here's what I've been working on since I got home from the show yesterday. I bought the pattern Betsy's Closet from Acorn Quilts and think it's more fun than paper dolls ever were!! I've had a blast mixing and matching fabrics to create the outfits. I only have 8 done so far, the 9th will have to wait until I get some more fusible web. I better buy extra, because I could make these outfits all day long (I did, lol). Of course, I still have to applique them to the blocks, and embellish them. I think I've done the easy part so far. I had read the directions for applique Saturday night, since I haven't really done applique before. I didn't have a clue what an applique pressing sheet was, s0 when I went back on Monday to the show, I stopped and asked Brenda about it (and bought some more wool and fabric of course). She explained it, and then spied one right across the aisle in another stall, so I went over and bought it right away. It's a great tool! Brenda is coming out with a boy pattern next month, I can't wait to see what it looks like! Have to get a move on and see if I can get this top finished before the next pattern comes out. Happy MLK Day, and Inauguration tomorrow!!!

Whew!

2009-01-18T19:34:00.003-07:00

Spent most of the last three days at the quilt show. It was fantastic! I'm not posting the pics on my blog, because I took about a hundred of them, but I created a set on my flickr account. Luckily, I am a good napper, which is how I spend the last three afternoons, yawn.

Show Stash

2009-01-17T18:41:00.003-07:00

I spent the last two days at the quilt show here in Tucson. It's great fun. I think I took about a hundred photos of quilts on display. Of course what I really want to post about is what I collected in my stash bag from the vendors. I am filled with ideas, not like I wasn't already battling the number of ideas versus the amount of available time already. So without further ado, here is my stash.

The lighter side: From my favorite booth; Acorn Quilt and Gift Company. I think she gets half of what I spend at the show each year. Two fun patterns, two Cath Kidston notebooks, a stack of felted wool, 1/2 yard cuts of three fabrics, and some DMC floss.The darker side: A wool kit, since I haven't actually used a wool kit before, some DMC floss, Valdini floss, and Daiwabo fabric bundle in blues.

The brighter side: Vintage flower garden blocks, hand pieced without paper pieces (which also affirms why I use paper pieces). Still, I have plans for these, appliqueing them on top of a patterned fabric a la Kaffe Fassett style. Also a jar of vintage buttons. I love love love the ones which look like roses, even if they are discolored. Lastly, two yo-yo makers, one round, and one heart shaped. I already made four yo-yo's with the round one last night (didn't buy the heart one until today).

Twins

2009-01-15T20:05:00.006-07:00

Two bags: one for me and one for my friend. We're going to the Quilt Show tomorrow and we can use them for our stash of goodies we plan to buy!
A close up of the color combo. Too late for embellishments, but maybe in the future....

it's all in the trim

2009-01-14T20:46:00.003-07:00

Baby Bear's homework assignment was to make a hat, and a list of all the things you used to make it. I asked him what kind of hat he wanted to make and he told me the kind that mariachis wear with the big brim. So here is his sombrero.Of course he had some assistance from his mama. It's hard to see the top, but it's plaid, so....a scottish sombrero. Made with cardboard, newspaper, glue, staples, fabric, yarn, and ribbon. I hope he actually wears it at least for a minute, so his teacher can see him in it.

And I added some trim to the bags, presewn gathered trim and pompoms. I haven't added buttons or handles yet. I can't decide on the color. I'll post after I've figured it out.

Simple Fun

2009-01-12T21:20:00.002-07:00

What I worked on today: two bags. I've been eying a pattern over on Fat Quarter Shop and I think I may have bought it and tossed it out with the leftover Christmas wrappings. Who knows. I put things in my cart, and take them out again, over and over, until one day I actually decide to make a purchase. So I don't remember if I really ever purchased this pattern or not.

The bags aren't done. They need handles and lots of embellishments. I bound the lining to the outside, but am still thinking about looking up how to make pleats to sew on the top as a frill. It seems like a lot of work, but I won't know until I look it up. Papa Bear wants to know what the bags are for....ha ha ha....I don't know...but I know I'll find a use for them when they're finished. I already put my big Sue Spargo patterned bag to work, holding my paper pieced mosaic quilt, that's still in process, and probably will be for another year.

And one more

2009-01-10T16:26:00.003-07:00

The ten minute curtain (okay, maybe 20, because I did sew tape binding all the way around it) for the master bath. Made from Darla and an old table runner.

You can see both curtains through the bathroom doorway. I'd love to make some more elaborate curtains, but I don't have the patience for them, I'd rather put that kind of time into a quilt.

New Master Bedroom Curtains

2009-01-10T13:53:00.002-07:00

It's the Darla fabric I love with the Lakehouse Chunky Check in red. I whipped 'em up in a couple of hours and tossed them on the rod before cutting any threads off...just to be sure they worked. The top and the back are an old tablecloth I bought in Wisconsin this past summer.

New Year, New Quilts

2009-01-01T13:11:00.005-07:00

An apple a day (or a pear)
and the candy colored one
And I finished them yesterday, so I can add them to my 2008 list, yay!

Happy New Year!

Quilt Sunday

2008-12-28T22:16:00.003-07:00

What I've been working on these last two days (well day and a half, given that I took a very long nap yesterday). I don't have batting, so I'll need to get some before these tops can become quilts.

Today I went to the one quilt shop in town open on Sundays and bought this pink and white polka dot fabric for the border. I also bought some half priced fabric for the backing, but no photo of that. It's fun! My first truly scrappy quilt.
Here's what I started last night and finished tonight. I finally found a use for both the Swell trellis and the pear and apple print I love, and I used up almost all of both, yay! Whacking away at that stash pile. I borrowed the free pattern "Stars in Mama's Kitchen" from the Robert Kaufman fabric site. I had downloaded and printed it out two summers ago, and have finally used it. Are you seeing a theme here? I hope so. I have a goal to start making quilts from the patterns I've collected over the last two years (the time I've been quilting) and make a bunch of them. I want to use at least one pattern from each book I have and a good chunk from my three inch binder where I store all the patterns I've downloaded or torn out of magazines. Wish me luck!

I've got some time on my hands, no babies, deaths, or other such hoopla that would require a quilt, so I feel like I can set my own quilting agenda instead of looking at my list of who to make quilts for. It feels good!

A close-up for the stars:

2008-12-27T21:28:00.003-07:00

I've had a Sue Spargo Victoria Knitting and Sewing tote pattern for at least a year now, and finally got around to sewing it up this week. Papa Bear bought me a scrap bag of decorator fabrics for Christmas, so Friday was spent stitching, stitching, stitching. I haven't embellished it, and am not sure if I will or not. If it's anything like buttons on the back pockets of my pants, I'll catch the embellishments on something and rip them off the first time I take it out. Ha ha. I had fun putting it together. I used the scraps, a panel from Denyse Schmidt's County Fair, and an old pair of grey cords for the lining. So of course, mine looks nothing like her photo.

Pieced

2008-12-22T11:02:00.002-07:00

It's pieced together. I didn't do it on point, but side to side instead. Now I have to figure out a border, which pattern and how wide, hmm...

In process

2008-12-21T15:17:00.003-07:00

Progress of my first quilt on my new sewing machine (yahoo yahoo yahoo). One set of blocks done, and the sides of the other kind done. Figuring out exactly what to do with them. Two pics playing with placement. I really probably should make two more blocks with black corners, but those flying geese are a pain in the a..

Four Seasons Quilt Swap Five

2008-12-17T06:52:00.002-07:00

Yay! Margaret is hosting another swap, and I signed up. This time all seasons are up for grabs and the quilt is to be monochromatic. I am very excited about it! I have already received my partner info, so the ideas are starting to percolate, hmmm....

I heart BERNINA

2008-12-16T22:34:00.002-07:00

AAhh!! I bought a Bernina 1630 Update at an Estate Sale this weekend and I am in love. It's smooth, like soft butter, no more pushing and pulling fabric through my other machine. It's a "real" sewing machine. Wow. I had priced out new ones and couldn't afford them and got this one for a deal!! At first I was nervous and didn't want to pack up my old machine, but there is no going back now.And, it came with a table, which I have already cleaned out and partially stocked with my own stuff. So here is what I've started working on: The blocks still have another round or two to be added to them, so they'll be quite a bit larger. I am using candy colors. Yum.

Finished!!

2008-12-14T11:52:00.008-07:00

The quilt for Hayden's teacher is finished!! I love it. I hand quilted it with #8 perle cotton with big stitches.

Wrappings

2008-12-07T20:07:00.002-07:00

And two more pics just because the wrapping's cute. Must be in a red and aqua mood.